Recently, I read this post over at PKD Will Not Beat Me. I related to it so much. People don't ask me if I'm pregnant--I'm 5'9", so I have the blessing of having a lot of space for my overlarge kidneys. But I feel like I look pregnant, and I'm so over having an umbilical hernia. I mean, I guess it's kind of cute to have an outie belly button when you are pregnant, but otherwise, it's just kind of gross.
(Side bar: I realize I talk a lot about my belly button on this blog. Sorry. I guess I obsess about it a little bit. But don't worry, I'm not crazy. Even *I* know that a belly button obsession is very, very odd.)
But I loved what this woman had to say about embracing her body, about just letting it be what it is. I have a hard time doing that sometimes, only because I think what is happening to me is, well, to be frank, kinda ugly.
There are some things I've always hated about my body that tortured me in my youth---I have small boobs and white skin and I'm a little bit gangly but also always felt like my butt sagged. Scratch the surface of any women's gathering, and you'll find most women have some kind of complaint about their bodies---boobs are too small/too big, thighs are too fat, stomach is too round, whatever.
But there is a lot that I have always liked about my body. I have nice legs, I've been blessed with thin genes, my skin, while white, has had the occasional zit but otherwise is fairly clear. And over time, with age, and with a husband who genuinely thinks I'm hot, I've come to be very comfortable in my own skin. When I started really exercising, and working out, that comfort grew as my body hardened and became strong. It's really awesome when you feel strong.
But as my waist disappears and my liver cysts push out my stomach and my kidneys make my abdomen get lumpy and for the first time in my life, some clothes just don't fit right, I get more and more discouraged about the way I look. It feels like tangible reminder that there is something going on in my body that I can't control.
So this woman is a great example of somebody who has felt discouraged and out of control and has decided to just embrace the good parts and live life because you can't control most things in this world anyway so you might as well enjoy what you've got. And I've got so much. So so so much.
Also, my husband got me a punching bag for Christmas, and it is awesome. So I may look about 3 months pregnant, but after working on that bag enough, if you ASK me if I'm pregnant, I'll be able to literally punch you in the throat (*).
See? Feeling strong. It's awesome.
(* I don't condone violence, and I have never and would never ACTUALLY punch somebody in the throat. Just thought I'd put that in there in case somebody thinks I'm a terribly violent person and calls CPS, or something.)